Day 14 – Bangkok
Greetings my little sun seekers
Another morning – up with the larks!
Who are the larks? Does anyone ever say ‘Good morning Lark’? Has anyone met a Lark? Thought not – what a stupid saying!! Stop Larking around…..!
Today was our penultimate day and one which was designated to doing nothing but sitting by the pool. The temperature here is well over 100 degrees and at night drops down to a cool 90 – 94. Not sure what’s going on with my body but it’s over heating!! I have become one big bubble……it all goes down at night or when I’m in an air conditioned room but as soon as I am outside, I am a bubble. Made worse now by the fact I am peeling. A peeling bubble (not to be confused with an appealing bubble!) – not my most attractive look!! People are beginning to look at me as though I have leprosy. It hasn’t affected my legs, face or hands – strange!!!
Having surveyed the pool area I selected our chairs…they would be good for all day sun complete with two umbrellas. Next it was off to breakfast….a hearty feast which the Mandarin do extremely well. Then off to the pool.
By the time we got there we had neighbours (only on one side…..they too must have done an early morning rekkie. I felt like the meat in the sandwich. The Laughing Buddha on one side and Orca the killer whale on the other. He could have emptied the water from the pool with one dive bomb! Honestly, he made Indy look anorexic by comparison and me….almost invisible. Slim, as we now refer to him, had spread out using both the side tables either side of him. Whilst he had swimming parachutes on – he had the most enormous shorts sitting on the table at the side of me. It was like having a table cloth next to me!! Very smart!! The size of his t shirt could have doubled up as a sleeping bag!! Fancy sleeping next to that….which brings me to his very unattractive wife….who resembled an eagle!! But I am sure they are very nice!!!!!
Before you say, he cant help it……he can!! We happened to see what he ate for breakfast…. he was throwing into the river the crusts, which were the remnants of his bread basket……it must have been a loaf plus croissants!! I wasn’t even aware they had bread baskets!! That’s not to mention what else he ate, but in fairness, at least he didn’t eat the crusts!!
During the course of the day, the pool boys/men come round with a variety of goodies which consisted of cucumber and yogurt soup, mango smoothies, coconut and tapioca pearls soup and something with fruit in it. (all in large shot glasses) In addition there is a big fruit basket consisting of bananas, apples and passion fruit and to drink lemon water and iced water….all complimentary. (needless to say, Slim passed on the fruit!)
Cant say much else about the day…..just sat people watching and reading until the sun was going down and then went up to our room to drink our complimentary bottle of Champagne, being returning guests of the hotel!! A very nice touch I thought.
Tonight we went to a French Restaurant called D’Sens. It was featured in today’s edition of the Bangkok Post so we decided to give it a go. ….The chef was a french chap who had worked in various restaurants, one being a 3* Michelin restaurant called Le Crocodile!! Coincidence…..I think not. All roads lead to crocodiles!
The food was excellent but the service….you could have lost the will to live……or at least live long enough to get your meal! We got there at 8.00pm and by 10.20pm we still hadn’t had our main course. Fortunately there were two smallish aperitif bits that arrived at our table…compliments of the very slow chef. Lucky we had those otherwise I could have been gnawing away at my own arm! He should have wasted less time making these beautiful tit bits and concentrated on cooking our dinner!!
When dinner finally arrived, it was excellent but by that time, I was really past caring. I took away one of his imaginary Michelin stars…that will teach him! The Maitre d who by this time was a little up his own arse sent over two glasses of red wine. Very presumptuous……I don’t drink red wine!! Where was that going to help me, other than they were about £15 a glass….whoopy doo!! Indy drank both.
We left there not soon after we had put our knife and fork down – we’d had enough by then.
Nob, our faithful taxi driver was waiting for us to take us to a Pat Pong road show. Pat Pong is the seedy street. By day, it’s just a normal street with not much going on. By night it’s a street market and all the bars open up – every second doorway is an entrance to various sex show clubs. Touts stand outside with a menu of what you can see…. However on Friday and Saturday, there is a ‘special’ show in an area about a mile away from Pat Pong in an industrial site. Its meant to be all very top secret but every one knows about it. Kind of a tourist attraction!
Nob dropped us off and was going to wait for us (his name becoming more appropriate by the minute) Inside this seedy venue, you paid your entrance, which by the way included a free drink and were led to your seat. In a dimly lit room, up on a small stage with four poles in each corner the girls got up one by one to show off their various talents.
Contestant number one enjoys ribbon twirling…….she managed to hide away almost 6 metres of fluorescent orange ribbon up her nunny and gave some ‘lucky’ audience member the opportunity of pulling it out of her whilst she stood about three feet away from him gyrating her hips. Did he know where that ribbon had been???? For goodness sake, he got so caught up in the moment I don’t think he really cared, but his mates did!!!!
Contestant number two did something quite similar but she had silk flowers attached to her ribbon…..I suppose you would call her sport ‘Flower arranging’!!
Contestant number three had a bit more skill……she was a dart thrower!! Her assistant, lets call her Debbie (as in Mcgee) held up two inflated balloons and the dart thrower placed her blower, complete with dart, strategically up her vagina and using muscles I was unaware we had, fired the darts and what do you know……..they hit the balloon!!!! A bit sick but quite talented!!
At this point, I needed the toilet to which Indy said “you’ve got to be joking…..here??” but when nature calls, sometimes it shouts! Desperate to pee, I was pointed in the direction of the ‘ladies’. He was right…….you’ve got to be joking! I entered the toilet, looked around….where was it????? I walked out again into what I could only described as a make shift kitchen (all very hygienic!!) – no toilet there so I went back into what was the toilet. There it was….how could I have missed it!! It was one of those floor level holes …..standing room only!!! You’ve got to be joking I thought! However, I recalled the moment I needed the toilet whilst we were on safari (except there was no hole) and drew on the experience!! Fortunately, having learnt from earlier on – I had my own supply of toilet paper and anti bacterial wipes so all was not lost. Next to the toilet there was a large bucket of water and a ladle…..Noooooooooo!!!! I drew the line there. There wasn’t a chance in hell that stage two was going to be completed. I thanked my lucky stars that Chris, my trainer, whilst putting me though my paces is a ‘squats’ man so fortunately for me I could hold the pose without any effort!!!! My business concluded, I left and returned back to the show, which had now moved on to Contestant number five!!!
The remainder of the show included a lesbian act, a heterosexual act and a biblical act….she managed to turn water into Coke (didn’t Jesus turn water into wine?) Time to go!!!
Nob, the ever faithful, was waiting for us to take us back to Pat Pong road – the market awaited us.
The market was full of bad designer copies….you name it, they have it. You want a Hermes bag….choose your colour. You want football shirts – choose your team. You name it, they sell it. Stall after stall after stall of absolute rubbish but definitely a sight to see. The sellers don’t really care if you buy something or not – everyone is too busy on their mobile phones to notice. I bought a watch for the little girl I mentor…..it’s an ‘Ice ‘watch…every heard of it??? Apparently all the kids want them! I have never even heard of it but for £4 I was willing to make an investment – lets just hope its still working by the time I get home!!!! That concluded my shopping and then it was time to leave the market….we had had enough.
We took a Thai Tuk Tuk back to the hotel….they differ from the Cambodian ones as these are all in one!! Onesies !!
Safely back in our hotel it is now time for bed.
Got to be up early!!!!!
Manjana my little banana (s)
Moi et Lui