HAPPY NEW YEAR – Welcome to 2012

Greetings my little party animals

I was up early this morning, on patrol, looking for our camouflage security folk…….I must admit they’re good – couldn’t find them anywhere!

I’ve become the lone German….I reserve all our chairs by 6.00am as whilst I have paid the man to sort it out, other people are trying to muscle in on our territory and have attempted to remove our well placed shells. Not any more….there is a selection of porn magazines now strategically placed on our chairs…..move them at your peril!!!

Indy has now resigned himself to not catching the Marlin this year – gives him something to look forward to next year – although not sure when or where.

Today we went on a snorkelling adventure – we were taken out to the reef and then went to discover life under the sea. All that kept going around in my head was the song from Nemo……just keep swimming just keep swimming…….followed by songs from Little Mermaid. Fortunately the Jaws theme was nowhere to be heard!! Jamie didn’t come with us which was no surprise as it would have meant her getting into the sea and that’s a complete No No – For years we have been trying to get Jamie into the sea but she insists she cant go in as there are fish……wasn’t worth trying to deny it today!!

I’m not a great fish lover myself but as it happens it was all very calm and serene with all the fish swimming past until some lunatic from another boat threw bread rolls into the water…….there was a wild fish frenzy going on…..millions of them appeared from nowhere attacking the bread…swimmer beware!! Cant say I enjoyed that too much, at which point it was time for me to get back on the boat. Adventure over!.

Then it was time to start getting ready for the evenings festivities…..

I found one of them!!! – Security is here! Not overly camouflaged……a native gentleman in khaki’s and his alsatian dog patrolling outside our room….good to know we are safe and not a Somalian insight. I’ll rest easy tonight!

New Year celebrations started at 8.00pm – a black tie gala event. There were over 400 people (hotel guests and outside people). There was a huge buffet with ice sculputres, sushi, various seafoods, roasts, curries, salads and an amazing assortment of desserts. The band were playing up until about 1.00am and then a disco kicked in.

There has been much excitement here preparing for New Years Eve – all the tables had glow sticks, glow spectacles, poppers, streamers, hats and amazing masks. It was a bit like being 10 again…we swapped around the masks until we were satisfied that we had the ones we liked!!

When we came down for dinner….more like along, the bar area was absolutely buzzing. Everyone makes a big deal of New Years Eve. DInner suits for the men and cocktail/long dresses for the women. The evening is kind of split into two……at 12.00 Kenya time New Year is brought in and again at 3.00am when it happens in the UK. if you can manage to stay awake followed by breakfast.

We saw in the Kenyan one in and by about 1.30 we were starting to wilt but got a second wind and ended up seeing in the UK one – complete with Big Ben. FInally at 4.00 we crawled back to our rooms and no sooner had our heads hit the pillow, the Zzzzzzzzzzzzz’s were being thrown up. It was a good night.

I was up this morning at 7.30 – checked the chair situation outside…..all is good. Porn magazines firmly in place!

It’s a bit like a ghost town here today….just me and the clearing up team are awake….No, I’m not offering to help! The security men are back to being well camouflaged again and all seems well in the world.

Sadly we are leaving here tomorrow so we have to get packed and organised.

Tomorrow we will be reunited with Geoffrey (hopefully) He is waiting for us in the International arrivals hall having been courierd up to Nairobi. The next problem will be locating him although I suspect he will be a bit difficult to miss bearing in mind his height!! Followed by trying to get him on the Virgin flight home.

Indy thinks he will fit in the car coming to collect us, with 5 big suit cases, 4 people, a driver and two big hold-alls. hahahahahahahaha….it’s never going to happen – he’s about 8ft tall!

On that sweet note – I wish you all a Happy 2012 and look forward to seeing you in the New Year.

Toodle Pip.

Love

Anna x

Hello my little Dorados

I was sending you an email yesterday but by accident I pressed the delete button and couldn’t get it back up again….by then I was too tired to write it again so I thought I would combine the two – I hate it when that happens however, there wasn’t much to tell you.

The Somalian pirates still haven’t appeared on our shores and the expected extra torch wielding security people the hotel have apparently laid on are missing….probably kidnapped by the Somalians!! Needless to say – we are all fine and on patrol!

I did hear though that an extra 25 Walter PPK something or other security guards have been drafted in for tomorrow night (new years eve) as the Somalians are threatning to bomb various locations – goodness only knows why this would be one of them and apparently we already have some of them patrolling in camouflage…..it must be good as I haven’t seen one. Now I’m on the look out for moving trees and bushes!!
We have also seen the waiters nailing up signs on various trees warning of 24 hour cctv…….that should scare them off!!

There doesn’t seem to be a Somalian problem here …..it’s because they are all living in Walthamstow and soon to be settling in to Cockfosters where the old Polytechnic was. As far as terrorists – haven’t seen one yet!

Yesterday, hmmmmm……..what happened yesterday??? Indy went fishing with Nas and his boys..The deal was they would catch everything else but the Marlin was Indy’s. (assuming there was one). Alas, it wasn’t to be and yet again there was much disappointment as the elusive Marlin evaded them once more – but at least they caught two Sail Fish and a couple of Dorados.

Later in the afternoon there was a volley ball game going on, on the beach – Jessie was playing but everytime the ball came near her she would shout – ‘not me’!! and duck out of the way. Needless to say – her team lost! She was a spectator today – and a very good one at that!

We went to the shops (shacks) to collect our made to measure clothing. Most of it has to be made again. I’m not sure what happened in between her measuring and making but it all came out suitable for pigmies.
It all needed to be made again – other than Indy’s trousers – which are now long shorts or short trousers but either way, they look ok.

Jamie & Jessie went back today to collect it and 2 out of 3 need to be remade again. Made to measure here is clearly a bit of a hit or miss game. The lady (Lois Lane still stunk).

I think they were about the highlights of yesterday. Today is another story……………………

We were up at 5.30 ready to go fishing……….yes again!!

Nas has gone home so Indy had no one to go with. I tried bribing everyone I know here but there were no takers so I ended up going with him. 10 long boring awful hours of fishing. FYI – I am generally a good sailor but today was big time choppy. Within the first hour or so I threw up and wanted to go home but I kept that thought to myself….at this time we were so far out I didn’t even know which way was land!
The driver said that between 9 and 10 the Marlin were generally in a certain area and we’d be sure to catch a Marlin….F****** liar!

By 12.00 it was so choppy I was thrown off my lay out and definitely wanted to go home but still didn’t complain (I should have as by now I had had 5 and a half hours of complete misery). We caught 2 Dorado’s…….they are white meaty fish and you are allowed to keep them.
Then the excitement happened – Sail fish everywhere (but not on our rods) Eventually we caught one – Indy has his picture taken with it and then we put it back. Quite impressive – about 35kg’s (about 80 lbs) There ended the excitement….still another 2 and a half hours to go and feeling sick.

Euphoria set in as I saw land ahead (it was 4.15) I’ve decided that I dont like fishing, I dont like fish and I dont want to go again. Enough of this supportive wife stuff – I’d rather pick up Eric’s poo and that’s pretty disgusting. (Eric is our dog!)

We ate our Dorado at supper with chips (fish and chip night) and then our friends wanted to go into Malindi (the main town – which is about 20 minutes away) to see an African band. All very authentic we thought….. What a shit hole the town is. Miss Malindi 2011 was going on tonight and all the ‘dolly bird’ kenyan women……I use the term very loosely, were dressed up in their shortest skirts and highest heels. We ended up in this club – again I use the word even more loosely, where we were the token white women. One of the ladies (I’m calling her a lady but who really knew what it was) was pleasuring herself at the table. She was so out of it on whatever drugs she had been taking that she didn’t seem to know what day it was. We didn’t offer to tell her!

We stayed for a drink, had a dance and then it was time to leave – our cultural experience complete.

Now home safely, snuggled into our beds…the end of another day.

Until tomorrow – I bid you a fond farewell to 2011.

love,

Anna x

Jumbo Sana –

Started off a little overcast today, which is quite a nice welcome break. It’s still incredibly hot and a little humid but we”re not complaining.

Birds Eye didn’t go fishing today – he’s spent the day with me!! (I was beginning to feel a bit like a fishing widow !) Everyone has heard of him but no one has seen him….bit like his Marlin!!

Indy’s routine…..up, ablutions (great word) then breakfast. After breakfast, ablutions again, then nap time (he’s had a busy couple of hours!) wake up, read a magazine, nap time. Wake up fully refreshed…lunch time. After lunch, siesta time. Wake up, IPad time and maybe reading time (santa brought him a kindle)….then nap time. Bath time, dinner time – football time if there’s anyone playing then bedtime! you can tell he is a complete party animal!!!!

I’m being unfair – he did take me shopping today. We went to Selfridges, Argos and Gucci. These are lean toooooo’s on the beach where the locals set up and sell their wares…..they also make ‘made to measure’ trousers, skirts and shorts. Shame they haven’t heard of deodorant because even as early as 10.00 they stink!

Whilst the staff mean well here – I dont think there is a staff training programme. The guy will come in to make up our room, forget to take away the used glasses, doesn’t replace the shampoos etc and sometimes forgets to sweep the floor. Jessie ordered a greek salad today for lunch -they forgot the feta cheese!! I ordered a bacardi and coke – he forgot the bacardi!! It’s all a bit exasperating.

Rumour has it that the owner who is called Dickie – (by name and nature) came down for breakfast and overheard one of the other guests complaining about the food/service……he went over to them and asked them to leave…..the hotel!!

I’m not sure the swimming pool has a filtration system – which would account for why if you go in with a white bikini – it comes out yellowy-green. Loads of chlorine but it’s not circulating. Sadly, and this doesn’t apply to any of us, but if you have blond hair and have been in the pool, it will have a definite green tinge to it…..quite a lot of women are walking around looking like martians!

However, on the plus side, there are a nice crowd of people here and there is definitely more chance of Indy catching a Marlin here than on the Long Pond!

Family friends arrived here today which was lovely. I’m very excited that they are here for a week and will be spending New Year with us.

Geoffrey still remains a bit of a problem – however we now have a couple of options!! We went to visit him yesterday…….they have wrapped him up to look like a giraffe!! I was hoping that he would be more wrapped as a parcel or better still, in bubble wrap! Even a blind man could work out that it’s a giraffe! Customs won’t have any problem identifying him….Luckily he’s not a Mule or they may think he’s a drug runner !

I’ve asked them to put a box over his head to protect his ears. We are now taking bets on whether Geoffrey will a) get home and b) in tact!!

Well that’s it for today…getting sleepy now.

Until tomorrow.

Love

Anna x

Good Morning my little Turtles…..

Another fine day in paradise.

Up early as Findus was going fishing again today. He and Nas are now determined to catch a Marlin. Infact, the whole hotel are now aware that Indy has still yet to catch the elusive Marlin – and wait patiently for his return!! Tradition here is if you catch your first Marlin you get to ring the bell and then you have to buy everyone a drink in the bar. Luckily they will serve you if you haven’t caught a Marlin as well!

We met Nas and his wife Amira (also their two children) last Christmas and Nas has just bought himself a fishing boat which is moored down here until February. Fortunately for Indy, Nas just loves to drive the boat so Indy gets to bring in the fish. Neptune is obviously on holiday as not much was going on today!!

Bearing in mind they went out at 6.45 this morning and didn’t come back until 5.00pm – all they caught was a cold, a Dorado and some other nothing fish. Bad day!! On the bright side, the hotel filleted it and we ate it for dinner this evening with chips and a few other bits and pieces.

Whilst Indy was fishing, we went into town and bought the giraffe! I did say every home should have one – and now we do!! He’s about 8ft tall and very giraffe looking. The Rastabastar wouldn’t budge on price…..even offered him one of the kids but he still stood firm! We have named him Geoffrey. (the giraffe, not the Rastabastar) One small problem though – I haven’t quite figured out how to get him home!! I reckon if we can get him up to Nairobi, we will probably be able to get him on our Virgin flight home. Just have to figure out how to get him to Nairobi!! One of life’s ponderables!!

Had a spot of rain today – lasted about 10 mins – quick downpour followed by humidity and little midges…..very irritating.

Well, that was enough excitement for one day………..I wonder what tomorrow will bring!!

Until tomorrow –

Good night,

Love
Anna and Geoffrey
xxxxxxxx

ps – they have the most enormous ants here that I have ever seen – teradactyle ants…ugly buggers with far too many legs. One of G-d’s more mysterious creations!

Greetings my little Turkey’s –

I hope you all had a good Christmas and Santa knew exactly where to find you.

Not much going on here – there was a fishing competition for the kids……… Indy was a bit upset as all the smaller kids had been taken!! You had to be under 13 accompanied by an adult. We couldn’t find a spare child!!

Nearly the next best thing…..Indy and Jamie went Eeling and found a Zebra Eel……very rare.

Later during the day we went on a road trip to the ice cream parlour!! Opposite there is a shack (they like to call themselves shops and stores – yeah right…hahahahaha) that sells wood carvings….if we could figure out how to get them home, I could be the proud owner of an 8 ft giraffe! Every home should have one.
The man who owned the establishment (couple of pieces of metal tied together with a bit of rope) was a Rasta Kenyan. He was hidden round the back and was referred to as ‘the boss’. I started the negotiations with the girl and she said she would have to ask her boss…..in walks Rasta. Apparently the original Rastafarians were the Kenyans. I thought they were the Jamacians but hey!! Anyway, this chap was high as a kite, wearing a marijuana t. shirt and smoking a joint. There was a large bong type thing going on behind him and a plume of smoke billowing through the window (whole in the wall). He started to tell me about how superior his giraffe was and to lift it to see how heavy it was!! His negotiation technique was to increase the price and then go higher…..idiot! So far, I am Giraffeless but tomorrow is another day!

Tonight there were 18 of us for dinner…..seafood buffet. Completely wasted on Jessie and I but Jamie and Indy made the most of it – think they had about 5 lobsters each plus a variety of other stuff!

Oh – I had a massage as well……blimey did she stink! All the staff are supplied with deodorant – just a pity they dont use it! Thought I’d share that with you.

Other than that – not much else to tell you.

Until manjana – sleep well.

Over and out
Anna x

Merry Christmas –

Santa obviously got my letter as he knew where to find us!

We were all up at 7.00 this morning as Indy was off fishing again this morning having delayed the start until 8.30 as it was present time!

We went into breakfast with our traditional Santa hats (I have a Mickey Mouse Santa hat with enormous ears, Indy has a wee willy winky type hat, Jamie’s is pink and Jessie’s is more of the traditional kind. Not many other people were wearing hats….infact, it could even be said that we were the only ones!!

Indy then went off fishing as we watched as Father Christmas arrive at the hotel on a camel, via the beach. What happened to the donkey is what I want to know?

Christmas didn’t have a very christmassy feel – the locals dressup in their finery but it would appear that New Years is the big one out here.

Jamie, Jessie and I with our little posse then went Eeling!! You use sausages stuck on to sticks and then stick them in the holes and the eels come out. The locals have named them all after british kings and queens!! We then saw an octopus and some little nemo fishes. Surprisingly Jamie was very brave!! (she hates fish and isn’t overly thrilled about the sea either!)

In the afternoon, we went out for Ice Cream – we have never left the hotel before so we were unaware there was too much outside the hotel. Now we know….and there isnt!! – however there is an Ice Cream parlour run by Italians in the middle of nowhere!! We also discovered the missing donkey’s….they were roaming around the street. This now explains the camel.

Whilst we were at the Ice Cream shop, Jessie recognised someone she had met from Top Shop in town!! (London town)….How random is that!!

We then returned to the hotel as we had gotten a message that Indy and his new fishing friend were on their way back.

(last year we got friendly with a family who were in the process of buying a fishing boat……as luck would have it, Naz, the guy who bought the boat is a mad keen fisherman so I have been able to relinquish the arduous task of being ‘first mate’ – making both Indy and I very happy! Indy can go fishing all day (generally that would be about 6.30am to 5.30pm) and I can sit, chat, have a massage, chat some more and sunbathe….win/win!!)

A good day was had by all….whilst they had managed to loose a Marlin, they did manage to catch 6 sail fish so he was ecstatic. Many a fish tale will be told….you have been warned!

On the technology front – today has been a bit of a disaster……Jamie’s phone has broken. We think it may have something to do with the vast difference in temperature inside and outside. We have dismantled it and stuck it in rice for hours, just incase it was damp (works with salt!!) – but it didn’t help….probably because it was Uncle Mohammad’s and not Uncle Ben!! Indy has also managed to do something to the camera whilst out fishing. Fortunately all the pictures from the safari are saved on the memory stick but it’s now not useable……everything is very misty. We tried sticking that in rice but after a couple of minutes the lens automatically shuts!!!

Dinner was a buffet style dinner dance and Jess was dancing with an 85 year old lady who just appeared on the dance floor…..dancing on her own. She was pretty cool for a little old lady, liking to utilise the whole dance floor!!

Well that’s it for now…..hope you had a nice day.

Ho Ho Ho…….Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lots of love,
Anna

Hello my little Marlins –

We have now arrived in Watamu. It’s a coastal resort some 350 km from the Somalian border. We are quite safe as we have a security guard with a torch!!!

Before I get into beach mode – I just want to share with you a last little Safari tip…….

The Kenyans are very literal people – the humour is definitely lacking!! For example – if I were to say to our guide Isaac please stop at the next toilet – he would then start to point out to me that there aren’t any as this is the Massai and then go on to tell me about Nature, irrigation, circle of life…blah blah blah. At this point Jamie would then inform all of us….again ….that if you gathered Elephant poo (a little known fact and always good to know as you never know when this will come in useful) placed it in gauze and squeezed it – you would get water!! Not being wasteful, once you have squeezed out the water and had a refreshing drink, you could then roll out and dry the rest of it – and hey presto – Paper!! They use this for writing, making photo frames and albums and sell it to the Tourists. So if you were lost in the wilderness with only Elephants for company – not only would you know your survival rate has now increased dramatically – you could also write an SOS note!!

Back to Watamu – the place is much the same as we left it last year although more friendlier. We aren’t the ‘newbees’ anymore!

Being lulled into a sense of false security – I actually thought that today would be our first opportunity to have a lie in. Alas I was wrong! Indy was going fishing today and had booked an early morning wake up call for 5.30. Where is Jackson when you need him? The idea was that he would wake up – get ready and go and I would carry on sleeping. Difficult when all the lights go on and then the questions start…….where are the binoculars? where is the suntan cream? what t shirt should I take? It’s so much easier to just get out of bed and give him the stuff – as he puts on his imaginary ‘stupid’ hat and ‘cant find’ anything. It would help enormously if he at least looked!! On the plus side – Indy did bring me in a hot milk before he left…..Doesn’t look much like Jackson but the service was pretty good!

I was up and dressed by 7.00. There are no Germans here so there’s no problem with deck chairs but being the only one awake with the deck chair boys, I had first choice!

By 9.30 the girls and I were in our positions and that’s pretty much where we stayed for most of the day.

Indy came back from fishing around 5.30 – they caught one Sail Fish! 10 hours of fishing and one fish….hmmmmmmmmmm!!! According to Indy it weighed 104 kg’s….yeah right! I’m sure they have a shop boat parked up way out at sea and the man sells pictures of pretend fish so they dont come back empty handed!!

Tonight is Christmas Eve – it’s a big deal here. A Gala dinner with a big band and dancing. At 7.30 there will be carols, mince pies and sangria before you go in for dinner. Think we’ll give that a miss and just go to the main event….then hopefully by the morning Santa will have found me!!

On that happy note – I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.

Until tomorrow……….

Anna

Jumbo my little Wart Hogs

Well today was our last Safari day. Our ever faithful Jackson came in to wake us up at 6.00 complete with hot chocolate and cookies and we were back in the jeep at 6.30. Isaac had packed a ‘special’ breakfast for us to eat whilst we were out as we needed to be back at the hotel by 11.30 as we were having an early lunch and then off to the airport!

Today we were in search of the Leopard – any leopard would do and so far it had managed to elude us…today was no different! We drove for miles and hours and still no leopard. We did however find quite a dead looking buffalo and the hyena’s were busy munching on it. The Lions kill it and have first pickings and then when they are full up – it’s a free for all. 4 Hyenas were sucking it’s brains out and dismembering it’s spine by the time we got there. There was no body…… nor legs – just the head and spine. The other Hyenas in the area had noticeably already had their feast as they were basking in mud pools (left from the rains) quite content to look on. – fortunately oblivious to us. Obviously a picture opportunity!!

Still on the trail of the lonesome Leopard we stumbled across another carcass, this one being about 3 hours old. The vultures circling above kind of gave the game away. Another photo opportunity – but this one was an antelope type animal….difficult to be exact considering it has no skin, flesh or belly. What was left were the horns, the head – more like a skull really and the skeleton. It still had it’s arms and legs attached but it was all skeleton/bones – all the flesh had been sucked off. The smell of it was like rancid meat (not that I’m overly familiar with that smell) but it was enough to make you vomit. It was also still covered in blood. Isaac said that by the end of the day, it would be completely dismembered by the vultures and hyenas – bit like the Hannibal Lecters of the jungle.

We had breakfast Al Fresco and Isaac let us out of the car today!! Obviously we weren’t allowed to wander too far as there were Hippos’s and Buffalo in the area but it was a blessing to get out and stretch our legs.
As the engine was still hot from all our driving around, Isaac placed all the ‘what should be hot’ food on the engine to warm up. Sadly he did the same with the cereals, yogurts and fruit!!

After breakfast – we were off again. We watched a failed ‘kill’ This is when the lion spots a vulnerable animal, stalks it for a while and then goes in for the kill. It’s far more successful when there are two lions as they tend to have a strategy whereby they circle their prey and then go in for the kill. Fortunately for the Wart Hogs, there was only one lion who had failed to see that there were two Wart Hogs. When he started his breakfast run – both hogs shot off in different directions completely confusing the lion, as he didn’t know which one to go for. By the time he made a decision, it was too late – both were out of his reach. Relief all around as I didn’t really want to see a real life kill and Indy and I were cheering the Wart Hogs on whilst the girls were cheering the lion on.

We have become the Von Trap family of the Massai Mara – All ‘Lion King’ songs were sung on a daily basis, especially the Wart Hog song, followed by Jungle Book songs and any other animal song we could thing of which were relative.

Desperately needing to go to the toilet and not wanting to go Al Fresco style, it was time to head back – great relief to my bladder. I have decided that I’m not all that comfortable being one with nature especially after seeing the size of the bugs, ants and other nasty looking things hanging around in the grass.

Once back in our tents, bladder restored to its original size, it was time to have lunch, pack up and head to the airport.
The airport is a very small strip of land in the middle of nowhere with a couple of incy planes sitting on the dried mud which doubles as the runway. There are no customs, toilets or duty free shops (hahahaha). Our plane was already waiting for us (we were a bit late) and once again we were happy that everyone had a rucksack as our 5 overweight cases needed to go on + 6 pieces of hand luggage. It’s good that we travel light!

Sadly the Safari part of our holiday is now over. We have about 1200 pictures which we will try and condense and are giving you advance warning – look interested!!

We are now about to arrive in Malindi and then go to our hotel. This is the beach and fishing part of our holiday. We are all excited for different reasons and we sincerely hope that Indy manages to catch his elusive Marlin as we won’t be coming back next year…..

Until tomorrow (if the Somalians don’t get us first) – I bid you adieu

Lots of love – Happy Chunukah and toodle pip.

Anna x

Jumbo my little Hyenas –

Well, today is Jessie’s birthday and what an incredible day it has been.

We had our early morning wake up call at 4.30am….Jackson came in with our Hot Chocolate – every home should have a Jackson!! We had to be at the front door by 5.00 as it was time to go! Nothing like a restful relaxing holiday……

Isaac, bless him also had to get up early as he is our official driver and he had to drive….which was very fortunate as not only had it rained again last night making muddy bogs everywhere and flooding, it was pitch black but for the stars.

Electricity is a bit of a problem here – there are only certain times of the day when there is electricity. Between 6.00am and 10.30am, and 3.30 to 10.30pm….all very convenient considering we are up and out by 6.30am and back at 7.00pm. Only a small window of opportunity to charge up things and use the computer.
There is WIFI here as long as you are within about 2 yards of the main office so sending emails also isn’t that easy.

Its a bit like going back to nature and Jessie sings George of the Jungle frequently! (It’s a film if you dont know what it is)

If you want to leave your room for any reason once it’s dark, you have to wave your torch around and wait for a security guard as you are never too sure what is lurking around. Last night there were apparently 5 Hippo’s walking around the camp. If you are imagining nice Hippo’s wearing tutu’s like in Fantasia – think again! .These are big ugly prehistoric creatures…..not a tutu in sight. To give you an idea if there was a crocodile and a hippo having a fight – the hippo would win. A little know fact!

But I digress……………..

At 5.20 we arrived at our destination and had to cross the river in the pitch darkness….scary! Once we were on the other side of the river, our adventure began. We went on a Hot Air Balloon ride. The balloon held 16 people – which were divided up into 4 compartments. Jessie’s face was a picture….it said “I cant think of anything worse!” Apparently she is scared of heights! Who knew that…considering earlier this year she went sky diving and bungee jumping. I thought this would be a walk in the park for her! . To cut a long story short, we were briefed on how to land (that’s quite important) and off we went. Once up and running it was unbelievable. We saw Giraffes, Elephants, and anything else that was waking up looking for food. The balloon skimmed over the trees….bit scary but what a brilliant experience. Coming into land was so gentle that our earlier briefing turned out to be more of a “just in case” scenario. Once on dry land, we were met by jeeps who whisked us off to breakfast….in the middle of nowhere, amongst the animals.

Picture this – 16 people – all different nationalities siting in the middle of the Massai Mara on a long table with camping seats. Champagne was served- then followed by bacon, sausages, eggs, mushrooms, baked beans, croissants, danish , tea/coffee AND a pancake station…made to order!!! About 10 yards away, they had constructed a ladies toilet!! It looked like a toilet, did the same as a toilet but at the side there was a bucket of water….it was a self service toilet!! The Gents toilet was everywhere else! We had to be careful not to wander too far as before we had arrived, a leopard had been spotted!! (no pun intended!!)

When breakfast was over we went on another safari drive but this time we were on the other side of the river…. lots going on with crocogators, rhino’s and wart hogs…in addition to everyone else who is a regular in the Massai.

Then it was home time for lunch and a five minute siesta before it was time to go and visit a Massai village….what a shit hole that was. You have to pay $100 ($25 per head) entrance which goes to the chief of the village. That in turn goes towards the community to help for education, sanitation etc. Clearly it’s not used for sanitation as there are no toilets – other than the village! Goats roam freely around, as do sheep, baby cows, dogs and children. The village is built in a circle and the houses’s???? are built of mud and poo – they need renovating every 4 years. A typical house is two bedrooms. No need to worry about bathrooms as they dont use them. Not sure where the kitchen is either. There are no windows and if they want light, they use a plastic bottle filled with kerosene and shove a rag in the bottle and light it. If the smell of poo doesn’t kill you – there’s a good chance the kerosene will. Having sat in our guides house for 10 mins (Jessie wouldn’t sit down…she was just happy retching from the smell) we were given a tour of outside. Sadly for us it has been raining. My espadrills soaked up what was on the ground (didn’t want to ask what it was but could probably have a good guess) Having turned in a 360 degree angle we had seen the whole village – 42 ‘houses’ for 204 people and no toilet!! After that, we were led to the shops…..the shops consisted of rags lain on the floor with various serving spoons, carvings and jewellery laid out….all the women vying for you to buy their goods,,,,in the muck and shit seeping into your shoes!

I think the whole tour took us about 30 mins and then we were off. Now it was time to find the lions as it’s mating season and as you may recall we missed all the action the previous day.

We were in luck.. The lioness from yesterday had switched partners and found a new mate…..they were at it like rabbits. For those interested we have it on video – not a long film – about 20 secs in total. They rest for 5 mins and then are at it again…and again…and again. We left after 4 times deciding that she must be pregnant by now!

Exhausted from our early start and full day it was time to go back to the camp site – wet, cold with sneezy feet – just enough time to get ready for dinner. We are now down to two families (have I told you that already??) Us and the Americans with their travelling battery operated Menorah.

Our table had been decorated with Balloons, banners and an assortment of shiny stars on the table. When it came to dessert, the head chef came out and read some declaration that it was Jessie’s birthday and then all hell broke loose….all the hotel staff appeared, some in national dress, some in chefs whites and some just looking normal, banging spoons, forks, drums complete with guitar and flip flops (they use them as cymbals!) and so the festivities began. Everyone started dancing and singing – and so our party continued for about 30 mins with us and our new american friends joining in. I think they are a bit short on party games. The preferred Kenyan Massai game is jumping up in the air. Just jumping – nothing else. No bouncing as they dont bend their legs…just jumping! We mastered that one quite easily. There is also a song called Hakuna Matata – more of a chant really but we mastered the lyrics. Hakuma Matata ya ya ya,
Hakuna Matata ya ya ya….jump jump jump….bang on your spoons and repeat! The chorus is slightly more difficult…..Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata, Hakuna Matata…..then back to the verse.

Then it was bedtime as we had had a very long day and Jessie had definitely had a memorable birthday.

Until tomorrow – I bid you good night

Love

Anna

Jumbo –
Day two……more exciting that day one. We now know the routine…..almost natives!
Fortunately there are no Somalians near here as we are in the middle of nowhere – so no need to worry about paying the ransom

Jackson, the man who does, did. He arrived this morning at 6.00 with coffee and hot chocolate and a big smile…..we could tell as it was dark out and his teeth were very white!

At 6.30 we were off – Isaac was waiting for us complete with picnic hamper. First stop were the Giraffes.
I thought that they would have longer necks but apparently these are baby giraffes – still pretty big but I thought their heads would poke over the trees. Having taken 75 pictures of the three giraffes in different poses it was time to move on…………. Elephants. Our first Elephant train. It’s just like Dumbo…..all in a long line with the baby Elephants walking in and around their parents – truly a magnificent sight to see.

Next it was off to see the lions. One lioness and four lions. It’s also mating season. The Male lion picks the lady lion and then is overly protective of her until she conceives. They can copulate (is that rude??) up .
to 80 times a day (apparently)….poor lady lion…….we watched them for over two hours just in case we missed the action. Needless to say – nothing happened!! Isaac said that she may have already conceived as it would make her urine smell funny. (its a lion thing) Personally I think Jessie singing ‘The Lion sleeps tonight’, every song from The Lion King and a huge variety of whistles, sounds and banging of the side of the jeep didn’t help – but then what do I know. Maybe they just didn’t fancy each other!?

Then we saw Jackals (I think that’s what they are called….small fox type animals…quite nervous). Hyenas, quite manky looking and then it was off to see the Hippo’s. They are huge. Apparently Hippos live until about 18 – which is a lot in the Hippo community. They are also the stronger of animals between Hippo and Crocogator, which is good as I dont like Crocogators – however Crocogaators look pretty prehistoric – personally I think their only good use is handbags and shoes…….honestly – whatelse do they do???

Then it was lunch. We shared with the flies but today it wasn’t as bad (not great) as we ate undercover.

This afternoon we went in search of the Leopard, the Rhino and the Zebra. We found none of them. Instead we found more lions, wart hogs, impala (millions of them) toby’s – they are posh looking reindeer and buffalo. Once you’ve seen one buffalo, you’ve really seen them all. They all look exactly the same….ugly buggers!!

Buffalo are ugly looking black cows with horns – really not sure if they have a use?…..I was trying to be polite and say ‘hello’ to them when one bastard buffalo decided to charge at us!! Not good……..Needless to say, Isaac was definitely put to the test to see how fast he could get us out of Buffaloville. Obviously we made it out in one piece and then went off to see the Elephants and Hippo’s as they are on the way home. The temperature had dropped quite a bit – thank goodness for Ugg boots!!

DInner tonight was interesting – we are now down to two families…..us and the Americans. We had our own Chunukah service and I think that the hotel got Jessies’ birthday wrong. I have arranged all kinds of things for tomorrow but tonight there were festivities!! Bearing in mind there are only 9 of us left – the kitchen staff and the hotel staff came out and were dancing around our table banging various cooking implements and a pair of flip flops!! Of course we joined in as it would have been rude not to (as did the Americans) but no mention was made of Jessie!!! All will be revealed tomorrow!!

Now it’s bedtime as we have to be up at 4.30am…….you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out why!!!! Dun dun der…………

On that sweet note – I bid you farewell and good night.

Until tomorrow…………

Anna

ps – the highlight of my day…..I desperately needed to do a wee whilst out on safari. You’d thing someone would think to put a portaloo somewhere but alas NO!! I held it in as long as possible until I could no longer move and then told Isaac I had to go to the toilet. Bless him, he found a nice tree/bush combination!! Gave me two tissues and told me to pee in the bushes….natures way! Isaac is big on nature! Scary shit….not literally but woohooo -I am now one with nature! Thought I’d share that with you!! Good night xx