Shalom………Manishma? (translated means Hello – How are you?)
Well, it’s nearly the end of our first day here.  Not quite what I was
expecting.
We arrived in Tel Aviv on Saturday at 5.00am and were taken to Jerusalem. Got here
about 6.30. The Hotel is OK and is located by the Dan and King Solomon
(for those of you in the know!). All quite modern!
We had breakfast around 7.00 – not particularly exciting.  No Hot
Chocolate because it was Sabbath.  No Eggs because it was Sabbath – in
fact no anything hot….because it was Sabbath so we settled for
cheese, some random salad with radishes and artichoke followed by
prunes (5 of them!)  Even the Orange Juice was from a carton – Not
fresh – it’s Sabbath!
After breakfast, we went back up to the room and Jamie (my daughter) had a nap whilst
I was watching Batman!! The Dark Knight – good film if you are a Batman
fan.  Now it’s about 10.00 and we have been up for hours but have lots
to get through today.  Off to Synagogue we went – The Great Synagogue,
Jerusalem. Not as strict as I thought it would be.  I had a dress on
which was just about on my knee and no one insisted that I had my head
covered.  The Synagogue is lovely and the choir exceptional.  We stayed for
the service and then went on to have kiddush. I’m feeling quite
religeous!! You would think that these people haven’t seen food for
about 10 days.  Talk about pile it high!! Some of the very religious
were even stock piling the pickled cucumber (in their hands!).  We
stayed for the brocha for wine (prayer) and then left – feeling very pleased
with ourselves.  A complete mixed bag of people…..from the Satin Coat
mob with the very big hats and ringlets to the non Jews coming to take
a look in their jeans and flip flops.  Lots of Shietals,(wigs) which kept us
amused for a while and then just us ordinary folk.  What was noticeable
though was that the women knew what they were doing, and
participated. (obviously in between talking – clearly a worldwide
tradition!)  Also there were a lot of very young women with children or
pregnant, presumably married??  They didn’t look older than 18!!
Clearly “Go Forth and Multiply” is taken at it’s word.
After Synagogue, we headed towards the old town and went to visit the Jaffa
Gate and the old part of the city.  The ‘Wall’ is much smaller than I
imagined it would be and again, was less of a religious experience than
I was expecting, although a very moving experience.  I couldn’t believe
some people were reading the notes that had been stuck in the wall?  Is
this common practise?  Having said that – if they don’t read them, who
is going to?
I have been offered 500 Camels for Jamie, which I declined.  The offer
was then upped and they tried to tempt me with the addition of a Donkey
and a Horse and offered me a monitary sum of money $10,000 plus the
camels!
Obviously such an offer has to be taken seriously and I have asked for
a little time to mull it over.  Currently, Jamie is fast asleep so
negotiations will resume tomorrow!  One of the considerations has to be
where would I put 500 Camels?
Tonight we are off to a restaurant called Foccacia and then it will be
an earlyish night as we are off to Masada and the Dead Sea tomorrow.
Happy Mothers Day – enjoy your evening
Until tomorrow – Shabbat Shalom

Anna

Sent: Sun, 14 Mar 2010 17:27
Subject: Day 2!

Shalom – Ma nish Ma?
(hope you are impressed….almost fluent now!)
Day 2 is nearly over and it has been an experience!
We started off at breakfast – not Shabbas anymore!! We were hopeful!!
(short lived)
Today I had a hot chocolate!!!  Then I had an omlette made with tomato,
cheese, onion and mushroom…..Hmmmmm…. I can hear your mouths
watering – but alas it sounded better than it tasted.  It was the
strangest omlette I have ever eaten.  Only one side was
cooked!! (despite it being flipped over) How do you do that?  The other
side was runny with egg white!  Having left that, I decided to have
toast – half with smoked salmon and half with pickled herring.  How can
that go wrong?  The toaster was some strange electrical contraption
that looked a bit like a trouser press crossed with a toasty maker –
needless to say, I couldn’t make it work so ended up with plain old
bread!!  The salmon half was sushi salmon – probably not the best thing
to have on toast but the herring was delicious!!!!  I can hardly wait
for tomorrow!!
We had to be in the lobby for 9.00 as we were going on a tour to Masada
and then onto the Dead Sea.  9.30 we are still sitting there…..9.40 I
am getting slightly annoyed and asked the reception to find out what
was going on.  They phoned the tour company who said that there was a
lot of traffic and they would be there within 15 minutes!  10.00am I am
really not happy – we have been sitting in the lobby for an hour!!
This time I phoned the tour company who was very apologetic and said
that the bus was at the Dan hotel and would be with us in one minute!!
10.10am this guy walks into the lobby and says “You Anna”? We both
nodded and followed him outside where we proceeded to go for a walk –
couldn’t see a bus anywhere!  The guy then gets into a taxi and tells
us to get in, which we do and there is another couple sitting in there
– (one in the front and one in the back).  The lady passenger informs
us that they have been waiting over an hour and in essence we have been
put in a cab as the tour bus forgot us!!  We were going to drive
somewhere and meet up with the Tour Bus.  Not sure where the traffic
and one minute away excuse came from but clearly none of it was true!
Finally after about 30 mins in the cab we pull into a petrol station in
the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the dessert and made the
exchange!!  It was like some clandestine meeting…..The bus was there
waiting for us.  Camels adorned the road side, sand gently blowing in
the wind…. (I am sure it all added to the atmostphere) Anyway, the
busman/tour guide came up with an even more bizarre story about someone
being on the wrong bus blah blah blah….not his fault……yada yada
yada……
So…off we went in search of Masada.  I really wanted to walk up but
was told I couldn’t!  The bus man/tour guide said that he had had
enough excitement for one day and was behind schedule so get in the
cable car.  We did!
Had a tour around the top of Masada which was very interesting and then
he told us that we would have a 30 minute break for lunch before
getting back on the bus to go to the Dead Sea.  I asked him if we
skipped lunch could we walk down.  A reasonably question one would
think?  NO he said!  He didn’t have insurance????  I told him I did but
he told me to get in the cable car!!  That was the end of my walk!  On
to the Dead Sea…..
Again not quite what I had imagined……
The changing facilities, toilets and showers are all in the same
place.  Very basic – infact more basic than very basic.  (and not too
clean either!)  Jamie and I got changed amid the people who had already
been in the sea.  Oh my G-d….what a sight!  All the women had their
bits hanging out and when I say bits hanging out, I do mean bits (and
pieces….and string…..!) horrifying!!!  Having got over the shock of
that we walked down to the sea and I went into the mineral mud hole to
get covered in mineral muck!  Jamie stayed out which was very fortunate
as I began sinking!! It’s like what I would imagine quick sand to be
like but the mud version.  I had to find my shoe as that had fallen
off and Jamie had to pull me out.  Thought they were going to have to
tie a rope around me and attach the other end to a car….I have seen
it in films!
Next..off to the Dead sea….quite extraordinary.  you can float on
either your stomach or back.  Obviously I had to taste it – wished I
hadn’t.  It’s worse than gargling with salt water – it’s quite
indescribable!!  After that, we went off to the Sulphur pool – 35
degree water – nice and warm but also very salty. (I had to try that
too!)
Unfortunately, Jamie has very sensitive skin – a delicate little flower
– and she came out of it looking like one giant big throbbing
red spot!!  Fortunately it has gone now but I was getting a little
worried there for a moment!!
Having finished that, we were back on the bus driving back to Jerusalem
when the bus driver/tour man announced that he was going to drop us off
at the Hyatt and we could get a cab back – he was going to Tel Aviv and
it was out of his way!!!!  We thought he was having a giraffe (laugh)
but no, he wasn’t!!!
We are now back in the hotel having a nice glass of chilled wine – well
and truly earnt!! I wonder what tomorrows tour will turn out to be?
Well, I have to go now as it’s time for me to have a shower before we
go out for supper.
Hope everyone is well.
Happy Mothers Day
Until tomorrow…..
Lila Tov (good night)

Anna x
Sent: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:31
Subject: Day 3

Oy….Vat a day.

Started off just like the others – we were packed and ready to leave
the hotel by 9.00 (as instructed by the tour people) and had gone down
for the delightful breakfast by 8.15am.  This time, I was prepared for
the toaster…..Jamie knew how it worked!  Unfortunately though half of
my piece of bread stuck to the glass and only the sides got toasted so
I ended up with 3/4 of a piece of nearly toasted bread.  Decided to
have the Sushi Salmon and Pickled Herring again….mistake!  Clearly it
was yesterdays.  Herring was a little on the dry side but the
Salmon was ok (once I had cut off the brown bits!) I followed this by
3 radishes.
Can’t really go wrong with a radish! Jamie started off with scrambled
eggs, which resembled yellow water, so she went for an Omlette
instead.  The lady Omlette maker wasn’t there so she was in with a
chance of getting a decent egg! (which she did) Success!!
We are hoping that the breakfasts in the Dan are nicer (can’t really be
worse).
Brought our luggage down and sat patiently waiting for our tour guide
man to arrive.  We were assured that they would be collecting us at
9.00 so be ready!!  Not wanting to disappoint – we were.
9.10am came and went – 9.20 came and went 9.30 came and went and at
this point I decided to call the company who had arranged it to find
out what was going on!  I now have a new friend at Isram Israel –
Rachel (we are on first name terms now!!) Rachel assured me that they
were on their way stuck in traffic! Not that old excuse again!!!  I
pointed out to her that we had seen 7 other tour groups leave the hotel
and surely they had endured the same traffic??  Got her on that!!  Then
she proceeded to tell me that the President of Brazil was arriving in
town today so there would be even more traffic than usual!  Clearly
this wasn’t having the right effect on me so whilst she was on the
phone to me, she phoned Rent a Guide (that’s the tour people) and
started off calmly asking them in Hebrew what was going on.  I don’t
know what they said to her but she then started to go completely nuts!
She became a deranged lunatic, clearly high on LSD and perhaps even a
heroin overdose….the woman went completely berserk –
uncontrollably!!! For about a minute she was shouting which then
progressed to screaming to the extent of not really catching her
breathe….she then ended the conversation with the tour people and all
she was capable of saying to me was “they are on their way…bye” and
hung up!  She couldn’t string a sentence together after that!!!
About 10 minutes later (it’s now 9.50) reception shout over to me there
is a phone call – followed by you have another one waiting!! So
popular!!!
I answered the first one – it was Rachel – clearly more composed
now!!!  She informed me that the tour had now been cancelled and she
had arranged a private tour guide to collect us in 5 minutes!!! (yeah
right) – I didn’t ask her any questions….I know what happens when she
gets upset – just thanked her and said good bye.  Then the next phone
call was from Rent a Guide – they told me that they had arranged a
private tour guide for me and he would be there in 3 minutes!! Did I
have two tour guides coming or just the one????
About 5 mins later this old looking man came in the hotel and said “you
Anna”?  Gleefully I said yes and he told me that he was our tour guide
for the day but as it had been a bit of a rush job, he needed to do a
wee!  (Possible Prostrate problems!!)
Meir, that’s his name, looked about 103 – Simon Cowell trousers,
receding gums and spoke with a very thick Jewish/Israeli accent – a
grand father type figure but very sweet.  We thought that perhaps we
should put the bags in his mini bus just in case he had a heart
attack!!
So – now on our little bus, off we go!  Must have something to do with
age but if we spoke to him, he insisted on taking his foot off the
accelerator and turning round to talk to us, still driving!!  We
decided it was probably safer not to talk to him but he insisted on
talking to us and adjusted his front mirror so that he could see us
when he was telling us about historical sites!!!
First stop was Mount Olive – he proceeded to name drop and tell us all
the famous people buried there – instead of Mount Herztel cemetery
(which has most of the dignitaries)  – including Robert Maxwell.  I
though he fell overboard and wasn’t found but apparently not – he’s at
Mount Olive!  Also did you know that Mount Olive cemetery is the first
cemetery that the Messiah is going to visit when he comes???  Perhaps
worth booking a plot if you want to come back again….imagine how long
it’s going to take for Elijah to bring him to Waltham Abbey or
Bushey??  And then imagine that if everyone comes back from the dead –
as nice as that would be, where are they going to live?
After that we went to the old city to have a look around the Jewish
Quarter, the Wall, watched a Barmitzvah, visited King David’s tomb,
went upstairs to have a look at where Jesus had his last supper, went
to a small synagogue and then walked around the new Synagogue which
will be officially opened tonight – Synagogue Hurva.  It was originally
blown up in 1948 by the Jordanians and stayed destroyed until the old
city was recaptured in the 6 day war.  In 2005 reconstruction and
restoration began and tonight it will be officially opened!! 1st day of
Nissan 5770!!  It has a nice white dome – same height as the gold and
black ones used by the Mulsims and the grey one for the non Jewish
persuasion   I have pictures!!!!  I made a point of remembering all of
that because the name rhymes with Curava!!!  (poetic license!)
We left there and then went to Meah Shearim.  We were as welcome there
as a pork chop in a synagogue!!
Some of the younger men averted their faces,  a couple of younger boys,
around 16 – 18 said a few un pleasantries to our guide Meir and some of
the young boys (10 – 12) just spat on the floor….in the main, no one
was overly bothered about us being there but we did stick out a
bit….maybe!  As we were walking around, two very Chasidic men wearing
stripy coats stopped our guide and told him that we should perhaps go
in a different direction because if we carried on the way we were
heading, there was a posse waiting for us who were going to throw water
over us!  We changed direction!!  Have pictures of that too!!
Next stop Yad Vashem….saw all of the new museum, all the outside
memorials, including the hollow tree, which was shipped over from
Czechoslovakia,  all of the memorials, the new train exhibition,
statues etc…didn’t miss a thing! – The Childrens memorial was
particularly sad – and Yes – got pictures of that too!!
Tomorrow Yad Vashem is closed because the Pres of Brazil wants to have
a look around!!  Lucky we saw it today.
We left there at closing time and Meir (still breathing) drove us to
Ben Gurion airport, where we still are!  Our flight has been delayed an
hour.
So all that’s left for me tonight is to bid you a fond farewell – until
tomorrow – in Eilat!.
Lila Tov

Anna
Sent: Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:53
Subject: Day 4

Shalom from Eliat

We arrived here last night having been delayed over an hour but it
didn’t really matter as I was writing you a rather long email!!!!
Hotel is nice – the pool area is a bit like
Bedrock…..Flintstones????? Not that it mattered too much today as
having woken up at 6.00am it was quite overcast.  Not happy!
Breakfast……a huge selection – why would you want to eat a huge
selection of salads for breakfast???  but they do!  Pile their plates
so high – it’s as if they aren’t going to see food again. A bit like
the Last Breakfast!
Did Jesus have breakfast after supper????  Especially as it’s supposed
to be the most important meal of the day!
I asked for a cup of hot milk and the waiter/cleaner up guy told me to
go and get it myself!!!  Off to a good start!  However,  having had
young boys spit on the street the day before I figured that this was a
step up!!
Breakfast was fine – so was the herring plus onions….what a bonus.
If I thought that Barbados had a problem with birds flying down and
eating food from the tables (unoccupied for whatever reason)  then this
was like a scene from Alfred Hitchcocks ‘The Birds’!  These weren’t
pretty looking birdies, these were vultures and lots of the bastards!
We told one chap who was sitting by himself that in his absence the
birds had started on his breakfast and he moved to a different table.
No Thank you, in fact no nothing – just upped and left!  Tomorrow the
birds can do what they like – we’re not telling!  Infact we’re telling
all the birds that it’s a free vulture day – help themselves.
I’m not going away again with me – I think that I am jinxed!  I don’t
know what it is but wherever I have been this year, the weather has
been not very good.  I decided earlier today that obviously today was
the day that if I sat in the sun, it would potentially be a skin cancer
day and G-d was looking after me so he made it cloudy!  Unfortunately
he made the shopping crap!  There is nothing to buy here. I managed to
buy a bottle of Mango juice!  He obviously had a rethink by this
afternoon as by about 1.00 the sun came out so it was off to the beach
for us.
The beach isn’t very nice – quite stoney and not too much sand.  There
is a beach attendant (cant guarantee he’ll be there tomorrow) whom I
asked if we could get a drink.  He told me to get it myself – it’s only
over the way!!!  With that, I decided it was time to meet the Hotel
Manager!!!!  Is this a  5 star hotel or self service accommodation I
asked?  When we got back to our room, there was a nice bottle of wine
waiting for us and now they are falling over themselves to please.  I
wonder what tomorrow will bring.  Sadly this doesn’t do too much in the
reassuring stakes to Indy that Israel has changed!!!  Having said
that – I really do like it here!  Can’t explain why or what, but it’s
there.  Maybe I’m a closet Isreali???
Tonight we are going to a Japanese restaurant called Yakimono (maybe?)
I’m so hungry I would eat a sumo wrestler so with that in mind…….I
must go and get ready now.
Until tomorrow
Lila Tov
Anna

Sent: Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:47
Subject: Day 5

Sha – I feel I know you well enough!!

After our run in with the Manager yesterday, last night he sent us up a
bottle of wine….tres nice of him.
We went to the Queen of Sheba (Hilton) hotel for supper – to the
Japanese Restaurant.  I have to say that it was very good. Probably our
best meal so far.
After supper – came home – went to bed.  Yes, we are true party
animals!!
Breakfast was the same as yesterday – you can start to get a bit sick
and tired of the same stuff every morning, but what could they do
differently??  Kippers – that’s what!  I could really fancy Kippers.
Today however, they brought over my hot milk and even Jamie’s
coffee….no pointing in the general direction today!
Sun came out eventually about 11.00ish and was intermittently cloudy
and windy.  By 2.00pm it was mostly cloudy but we persevered…just in
case. (wrapped up in towels looking like Mummies)  Probably will come
home with flu!
We are now back in the room now – dinner isn’t booked until 9.00
(Chinese at the Royal Beach) – hang on there is a knock on our
door…..  We thought it was the towel lady – but No.  It is a waiter
with a trolley!  On the trolley are 2 x litre bottles of water, a box
of chocolates a bottle of wine in an ice bucket and this very nice
looking glass paint palette dish with 7 indentations (that would be for
different colours if it was a paint palette) filled with an assortment
of chocolates, truffles, florentines, macaroons, chocolate liqueurs and
chocolate nut things.  We told him that we hadn’t ordered it and he
said that it was a gift from the management!!  How nice!
Well, that’s about all for today – nothing more to report.
Until tomorrow……

Anna
Sent: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:36
Subject: Day 6

Greetings my little Jaffa Oranges – (not to be confused with cakes!)
Well, yesterday was short and today will be even shorter……………
Sun came out….hurray!!!
Sun went back in…..booo!!
Sun came out again and so on and so forth! A bit of an Hokey Kokey
day….
Breakfast – same as usual – still no kippers but the variety was less
than it has been in previous days.
Attitude still much the same though.
After breakfast, we braved it to the beach – took cardigans with us as
when the sun went in, it was a bit chilly.
Had late lunch – chicken shwarma (bit curryfied) and hot dogs – no bun,
no onions, obviously no cheese – just plain old frankfurters – skinny
ones at that.
No wine,flowers,chocolates etc today – makes me sad!!!! However we
still have a bottle in reserve as how much can we possibly get though
in one day?(and still stand)
Coming home tomorrow – so this is my last email.  I hope you have
enjoyed our trip as much as we have.
Until  next time- I bid you Shalom, Happy Pesach, have renewed respect
for Elijah – he’s the man….and Adieu
Lila Tov

Anna